::Luck Desperado::

And, that’s it! Exhaustion, hunger, headache, altogether really killed me today! Back to what I gone through previously as a student. SPA exam, 9-5, please, let this be my last time sitting the papers. Never thought that it would be very hard. I admit not all papers does challenge my brain, Maths section really brought back my confidence, but still, there were a lots of paper. Need to answer them back to back! Huh!

Well, forgot all those complaints just now. For once in my life, God please let me be the one among the luckiest! Seriously, I don’t wanna sit the exam again. I know, no pain no gain. But I did my best just now. I even hold my lunch just to be there on time. Tahan lapar bah kami tadi time lunch. Kantin tutup! Cittt!

More or less, thanks God there’s no obstacles through the answering time just now. I managed to put some excellent ideas onto my BM and BI essays even though the grammar I think totally disaster. My goal is, the examiner will understand and agree to what I’ve been expressed in that essays.

As a wrap up, we’re having makan besar at a stall somewhere along the jalan Keningau. Surprisingly, I made my plate clear! Hahaha. Katara lapar tahap gaban ni...Tapi mmg kanyang la! Syukur...

bad-minded me~

All of my thoughts now are negative. My heart just feel unease through the day. Plus, stuffs that really pissed me off(I checked my bank card this noon, the salary isn't been bank in yet), made my day like a trash!

The stress getting fierce when I think forward on my competition next week. I definitely sensed that I wont able to wow the audiences yet wont sing good! God, I definitely ask for your miracle on this. Please let me to beautifully render my songs and please give me sign that I absolutely picked the right songs! I bow U...

For someone I care, show me more love, so that I will continually trusting you. I hope you're not put black magic on me coz I'm so addicted on you right now! Can't stop thinking of you...

One good thing today, a friend of mine emailed me at least something to look on, as in two days more, I will be having my exam as a requirement to get a job with SPA. I really have no idea what to prepare! Erkkk...

However, I'm still wont disappoint you(who's reading this), that this must be a new vocab to learn. TIT-FOR-TAT!!!

1. tit for tat

noun

1. (Idiom) equivalent retribution, an eye for an eye, returning exactly what you get.

If you hit me, I'll hit you back;

Translations:

Adjective

1. Having the characteristic of returning bad for bad.

Unfortunately, many adults retain a tit-for-tat attitude, but in a more refined way than the simple, childish shove for shove.

WTH goin' on?!

Bad messy day again. I'm trying to make myself busy so that my mind doesn't hook to that matter again. But, as I trying hard, it's even come closer. What am I thinking about(well just let me keep to myself), is it worthy enough? I lost myself this few days as this bloody hard-heart-feeling strikes in me. I can't bear to know what would happens in the future without considering things that will hurt me. I really wish that there's an answer to this. Whether it is bad news or better one. If only I could choose.

HEADACHE!!!!!

arghhhhhhh!

Irritable Male Syndrome. Men's PMS!

I've just dicovered this on blogcritics.org :

Recently it came to my notice that there are men who do not know what IMS is all about. Initially, in a bout of ‘now I’ve got you men’ attitude, I rubbed my hands together gleefully and decided to make a satire post on the issue. But then after a minute of reflection, I realized I would be no different than those sexist men who tarnish all women with PMS problems and say that men with 'attitude' suffer from IMS.

Just like PMS, IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome) is no laughing matter. A grumpy man flipping channels, stonewalling his wife, or worse, snapping at her housekeeping, might be feeling a shift in his hormones.

What men have hormones? Most men think shifting levels of hormones is something only women suffer from, but facts show otherwise. Men are equally prone to depression, high stress levels, and mood swings.

The old traditional approach of "being a man" and holding back one's feelings causes many men to implode where a seemingly regular feeling of blues slides into manic depression, sometimes even leading to suicide.

Male menopause, according to Jed Diamond, is real and could well be the reason for some marriages becoming rocky when men have "midlife crisis," but at the same time it is a process that could hit even at puberty.

Some people might consider this whole analysis of the midlife crisis to be hogwash and tell a man to be a man and deal with his "manly" problems, be they work-related or general blues, but common sense demands that we as human beings find healthy outlets to deal with our mental or emotional issues just as we deal with any sickness that ails the body.

Cracking jokes about IMS, as most macho men do for PMS, would further make a man suffering from depression or having some sort of testosterone driven problems feel less of a man.

At the end of the day we need to look beyond Gender Wars or the tit-for-tat attitude and deal with emotional issues with compassion and wisdom. Men are not from Mars and Women from Venus. We all suffer from depression, frustrations, and stress. The only difference is that women express their emotions where as men have been taught to suffer in silence and tend to become lonelier.

Could that itself be reason why women tend to live longer than men?

So you all guys out there, you shouldn't overlook on this like it just a crap. Back on me myself, I think I just attacked by this matter as in these two days, my mind goes wrong, everything turns wrong to me, I just surrounded by anger and hatred, can't click to what suppose to be my job. Arrggghhh! This is so intense!

I'm not what I am regularly. Hate to admit this, but I feel like I want to cry out. Shit! This totally improper. All I can imagine now, I want to be somewhere peaceful, alone and isolated, listening to the music, pampering by wonderful scenery, throw out the bad feelings in me. *sigh*

If I can have somebody to speak this out, I may a lil' bit relieve. Azizammmmmm!!! Come back asap!(Azizam is my bff for almost 10 years)

IMS!!! Goddammit, please gone!

heartbeat of nervousness

Although I've been done some of this before but I cannot compare a performance to a competition. The nerves of competition is ten times haunting then doing performances. I still remember the first time I climb up on stage was when I'm still a kindergarten kid. I'm the one singing out of theme song, which to be specific, a shampoo tv ad commercial jingle song. Everytime I recall on that, I can't stop laughing to myself.

The heat of the competition is already turned on! I hope I have the sixth sense of hearing peoples talk no matter how far they are.The purpose obviously to spy on how is the other finalists preparation, yet how well it is. To be frank, big problem here is for me to pick the right songs and I should improve myself on that. However, I do a simplicity, when I render a song and it sounds well, I willing to hit well almost all the notes, I remember and understand the lyrics, think I gonna do the song on my own version, I think that I'm capable to make it entertaining(while imagine audiences pay a standing ovation), then I declare it is a right one.

My struggle now, how to sustain my confident that I'm gonna kill the song during the real battle. Anything can be happen on that moment, so that all I can do is dealing well with my health, keep practice and sounds odd, praying.

All by myself now, once you are a performer, you're always a performer. I can be one, one day.

I will be competing in Kadus Entertainment Next Top Entertainer(KENTE) Season 2. A singing competition held on April 16, 2010 at KDCA, Penampang, Sabah.

2010's introduction

After suffering in 2009, 2010 gives me hope to hope more to come over. It's geared up by a good news which i intensely waited for so long. I've got a job. Thanks to a friend of mine for knocking me about the job. Surely it's not what I'm supposed to be in, but it's much better to what i should be in. With better pay, it's motivated me to put my 100% to accomplished that job. The contract would be end this Disember, so I know that I should make a backup plan and ready for any possibilities. Then, after a lots of thoughts, few things poped up and autolisted to what-to-do through this year. Part of it that I can't wait anymore to do is learning piano. It's been my dream to play any instrument since i discovered how passionate I am to become a musician. I had arranged a private teacher for it but looking forward when is the right time to start up. I do hope, as said by lots of sources, 2010 would be the lucky year to those born on the Tiger's year. Past is past, and thank you 2009, I learned the hard ways from you. There's nothing much to say now, but there's so much to done! Along with this, spiritually, God please guide me the right paths, makes me meet the right peoples, allow me to do the right actions. Bring it on!!!